Prompt 61A - 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover

1. Dump them
2. Lose them
3. Tell them they stink and hand them a stick of deodorant
4. Jump out of a highrise window
5. Throw them out of a highrise window
6. Badmouth their momma
7. Go on a TV show and tell the world about their secrets
8. Go on a TV show and fail to say “I love you.”
9. Go on a TV show and embarrass yourself to the point that the episode becomes a viral Youtube video
10. Kick their pet dog
11. Yell “heads up” and toss them a kitchen knife
12. Wet the bed a few times
13. Steal their car and go on a high speed chase with police
14. Get caught on a Ballpark Kiss Cam and don't kiss them
15. Buy them a hotdog for their birthday (unless its an adorable inside joke)
16. Tear the head off their favorite stuffed animal in a touchdown dance
17. Find out that your boyfriend has stuffed animals
18. Play a practical joke on them by peeing on their toothbrush
19. Smack their butt in front of your church
20. Fart in church
21. Carelessly drop a Christmas candle and accidentally ignite the church
22. Crash the children's Christmas program by running on stage in a spandex onesie
23. Start your own church dedicated to them and create little clay statues with their face on it surrounded on a shrine in your living room by an assortment of demonic looking candles
24. Tell them you're gay
25. Crash their car into a sardine factory
26. Forget your anniversary (If they are female)
27. Forget their birthday (If they are female)
28. Forget the Superbowl (If they are male)
29. Tell them you are moving to china to work with children and then accidentally see them at the supermarket after you didn't go
30. Tell them your favorite movie is Birth of a Nation
31. Tell them you thought Schindler's List was a riot
32. Tell them your favorite President is Bush (if they are liberal)
33. Tell them your favorite President is Obama (if they are conservative)
34. When she asks you if she looks fat in a particular garment just say “Do you...!?”
35. Smoke crack
36. Drink bleach
37. Wash their favorite color shirt with the whites in bleach
38. Blow up the house by incorrectly wiring the water heater
39. Tie them to the bed and steal their credit card
40. Take dancing classes and enjoy the dance with the teacher a little too much
41. Suggest they get implants
42. Turn off the TV right when their favorite show has reached the climactic finale and tell them that too much TV is bad for your health
43. Buy them a weight loss DVD
44. Convert to Scientology
45. Enter a convent
46. Convert to Judaism and botch the circumcision
47. Duck tape their eyebrows and rip it off
48. Tell them you're a Lakers fan
49. Tell them you're a Yankees fan
50. Don't compromise; don't communicate; don't give them your time, your energy, or your attention; and for goodness sake, make sure you only TELL them you love them, not SHOW them you love them.